i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
