i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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