I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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