Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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