I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
