just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize