Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
