There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
