If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
barbara walters just said penis...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
