What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
