that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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