you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
