did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
