I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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