i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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