No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
