you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize