So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
