Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
