you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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