And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am one with the molecules
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
