Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
