Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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