Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
