you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
