Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
