Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
