Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
