i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
