If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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