the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
