Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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