You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
being pregnant is like rehab
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
