One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
