Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize