How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
