also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize