is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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