I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
