So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
