I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
