is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
