Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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