I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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