today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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