oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
