i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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