RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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