She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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