so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
