She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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