Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
