this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
