i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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