I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're too hungover to prance.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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