speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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