Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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