I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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