Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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