ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
