somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
