Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
