You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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