Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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