Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
