You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
