I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
