I am puke
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
