when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
